Your Mother Must Be Proud
by Silmarillion
Summary: Because we all do things we regret.


A/N: From Fudge's "Your mother would be proud."  
Single reading of canon here, so think of any minor inaccuracies as poetic license, please. Melodrama ahead.

  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Are you proud of me, Mother?  
  
*********  
  
"Lying in _wrong_, Marietta," you said when Gran told you I ate all the chocolate frogs and hid the wrappers.  
  
"I don't have time for this, Marietta," you said when I wouldn't tell you who picked Mrs Next-Door's flowers.  
  
"This is unacceptable, Marietta," you said, followed by a slap, when I tried to tell you that Snape treats all his students like that.  
  
Lies are unacceptable, and excuses are worse. You made sure I knew that.  
  
*********  
  
Ravenclaw, the house of wit and learning. But they don't tell you that anything that matters can't be learnt from a book.  
  
I watched Cho dancing with Cedric Diggory at the Yule Ball, nearly ignoring Robbie McDougal. He wasn't as interesting, or as pretty as Cedric. Cho was so lucky--two triwizard champions asking her to be their date. I wished something like that would happen to me, or that someone who things like that happen to would talk to me. But no one notices me. I don't play _Quidditch_, which seems to be all that matters at Hogwarts. Just ask Penny Clearwater.  
  
I watched Cho cry, trying to stifle her sobs with the pillow. She spent the beginning of the summer in her room, looking at pictures and talking to me. I don't know why. She'd never spent time with me before. I didn't know what to do; I tried to listen to her, reason with her. But there isn't a potion to lessen grief.  
  
I watched Cho from behind the curtains. You told me not to go there anymore, told me that Cho was grief stricken and didn't know what she was talking about. I was a good girl, I stayed home all summer. You told me to read the _Prophet_, that the Ministry wouldn't keep it from us if You Know Who was back. I didn't believe you, but I knew by now that I wasn't to argue.  
  
***********  
  
Cho rejoined her crowd, but I was the one she had chosen. I was the one she confided in. It was a first. I was the one she took to the Hog's Head that day. We realized that Umbridge wasn't teaching us anything and would do anything for a chance to learn. True Ravenclaws, unable to look beyond the pursuit of information. Father once said that knowledge is the forbidden fruit, and I suppose you'd agree with him.  
  
I won't tell you that I didn't want to go. Don't you understand, Mother? I always wanted to be an Auror; you wanted me to be an Auror. Was I supposed to pass my NEWTs with this woman teaching me? I thought you'd be proud when I received my O, too proud to ask questions.  
  
***********  
  
"Put that trash away and study, Marietta," you said when I asked you to buy me a copy of the Quibbler.   
  
"Keep your head down and do what you're told, Marietta," you snapped when I showed you the fading marks on my hand. How could I keep silent when I knew what really happened to Cedric?  
  
***********  
  
I tried, Mother, I did. More and more decrees from the Ministry, but I couldn't stop going, couldn't tell the truth like I knew I should. I tried to tell Cho that we shouldn't go to the meetings, shouldn't get ourselves in trouble. But she wouldn't listen.  
  
You were suspicious, you told me about watching the Floo Networks. You said to tell you if anything was going on. Then Umbridge . . . Professor Umbridge told you that she had seen Harry Potter with Cho Chang. She knew I was her friend, and knew that I was a good girl, loyal to the Ministry.  
  
"Harry Potter needs help, Marietta," you said. You told me that the Ministry had our best interests at heart, that they couldn't allow students to hurt themselves--even I knew what could happen from reading the wrong book. We were children, we'd learn the complex spells when the time came to use them.  
  
You've always known when I was lying. But I wasn't afraid of your punishment; I just wanted to make you proud of me. I told Professor Umbridge everything, trying to convince myself that it was for the best. And then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I think I understood why the Sorting Hat never thought to put me in Gryffindor.  
  
I'm not proud of myself, Mother, and I don't care if you are.  
  
~~~~~~~Fin~~~~~~~  
  
So, I strongly dislike Cho, but I've spent my time writing about Marietta. Don't try to understand me, as I don't. Feedback would be most welcome—just a sentence or two, it means so much to me!


End file.
